A beautiful view from behind Dom Church in Utrecht on Thursday after Easter.

After listening to a lecture of theology in the university, when I was visiting piano students I was deeply impressed by the blue sky. It looked so transparent and seemed very much high. The walls of the historic building were reflecting the light of spring, brightly shining with each color. The view made me stop walking for a while. Four years ago, when I was still a musicology student, I was walking on this street almost every day and saw this old district.

Those days, Ihad not thought that I saw the sky today like this. All my concerns in those days were just how I could be a better musician and how I could get the better career.

I then never had thought that my spirit went out the body. It was two and half year ago. My soul went to the world of pure love and again returned to my body on this earth.

I then never had thought that experience changed everything of my life. It made me meditate daily and pray for God.

I then never had thought I was leaving this land in the state of now: my heart is constantly yearning for hearing the His words.

And I never had thought that I would be baptized just before returning to my homeland.

The sky was so beautifully blue just as it had been four years ago. In the medieval time when those buildings were made, the sky was perhaps so blue just as now.

Since January, I went through the transformational period of accepting my departure. I have lived here the Netherlands just a half of my life, and I am leaving in a couple of months. I had to accept that my physical appearance would disappear from here. It seemed like a death in this country as if I were a patient of the last stage of cancer. I am not afraid of death, but It is painful to leave many people. When I noticed that I would not see anymore the views with atmospheric old buildings with brown brick walls and the beautiful greenness of forests, I felt as if the life for about 20 years here had been just an illusion. A half of me want to stay here and keep playing music in churches, and working with lovely pupils just as long as my body exists.

Three weeks ago it was the Easter week. It is the symbol of death to rebirth. Something in me indeed ended during that week when I let bookshelves away from my house. Looking the empty walls, I felt my heart becoming lighter. The shelves there had been filled with music sheets and books for years. Without them, my room looked like the moment when I had moved into this house. The pain in my heart then transformed gradually into relief.

Relief invites something new. I do not yet exactly know what is coming to my life. I believe the light will direct me. The new path will open, and I will meet the right people there.