May 31

I am grateful to have encountered Henri Nouwen's text 'Hospitality of Listening. 'It is the art of listening. For these eight months, I have practised 'mindful listening,' which is attentive listening without saying anything back but just accepting what the speaker wants to tell you. I have experienced exactly what Nouwen wrote.

—-

‘To listen is very hard,

because it asks of us so much interior stability

that we no longer need to prove ourselves

by speeches, arguments, statements, or declarations.

True listeners no longer have an inner need

to make their presence known.

They are free to receive, to welcome, to accept.

Listening is much more than allowing another to talk

while waiting for a chance to respond.

Listening is paying full attention to others

and welcoming them into our very beings.

The beauty of listening is that,

those who are listened to start feeling accepted,

start taking their words more seriously

and discovering their own true selves.

Listening is a form of spiritual hospitality

by which you invite strangers to become friends,

to get to know their inner selves more fully,

and even dare to be silent with you.’

May 19

Today is the first Pentecost day. 

On the afternoon of the first Pentecost day seven years ago, I got baptised. The ceremony was done in the cloister of the Augustinus sisters but with a mixture of people of Catholics and Protestants. It was six weeks before my departure from the country. It was a miraculous story from the day I decided to receive baptism to the last moment of my departure, which would be too long to write here, but it has become one of the most impressive days in my life. 

Here, Pentecost is not a holiday, and people do not celebrate it. But I have done it well in my heart. I was so grateful for that moment and the people who supported me. 

Yesterday, on Pentecost Eve, I could hear some words in meditation and have just now finished writing it. Chat GPT helped to expand my vocabulary, for which I am grateful. 

I want to dedicate this text to Samuel, from whom I took one of my baptised names.   

---

When other's actions cast the shadow of dark, 

and doubts about your being provoke, 

pour much of tender grace of love into you,  

as much as your vessel will be filled.

With the holy spirit descending on earth,

my love will be shed upon you,

illuminating the darkest night.

This pillar, the sanctuary of truth, will be your residence. 

Your spirit will soar in this pillar of light,

And only my love shall make you alive among all creatures.

Offer your plea to me. 

In my love's embrace

fear exists no more 

and you find solace and might

You dwell forever in the truth of the spring of life.

May 13

I am grateful for the modest morning rain today.

It led me into contemplation, transporting me back to the days I was a student at the Conservatory of Utrecht. Between lessons/ practice time, I often walked around the old city centre, sought for spiritual nourishment. I often visited a new age book store, Christian book shops, Dom church, silent centre, and organic food shops. I became a part of the famous view of historical buildings and canals then. Those days I associate often with gentle rain under the grey sky, as is typical in the lowlands. The candlelights, soft colours of anthroposophic arts and products, and beautiful gemstones warmed my heart. I wondered how to step across the threshold to be involved in those foreign spiritual cultures and communities as if I were born native. I was seeking a spiritual path then, and it still continues now on the other side of the earth.

Usually, the flashback of memories in the Netherlands gives me a lot of pain. But today, I can silently accept the vision in peace and tranquillity. I am grateful that I can appreciate the beauty of stillness.

May 11

I am grateful that I could wake up feeling embraced by the white morning light and have a quiet evening walk, where the orange sunset light shed on me and my path yesterday.

I am so grateful that I could meditate deeply this morning. It has been difficult to go deep for quite some period, and I have often had to ask myself about my faith and what has been wrong with me. It has been spiritually challenging. 

However, I could hear God telling me again; 

‘More you suffer, love me more, for my love will spread to the world through you if you do so.’

May 9

 I am grateful for two beautiful moments yesterday.

Early in the morning, when I was standing on a busy train to go to the office of my part-time job, I felt very sick. After a while, standing became difficult, and I sat on the floor. Then, a lady beside me asked me if I was all right. Then, another lady who sat in a seat in front of me stood and gave her seat to me with a smile.

As you probably know from photos or media, standing on super-busy trains in Japan in the morning is very hard. We need courage to give our seats to somebody else.  

I was grateful for these ladies. Here, people tend not to open their hearts openly to communicate with each other in public, which constantly gives me a feeling of dryness and loneliness. However, I could all of a sudden touch the warm hearts of these unknown ladies. It released me not only from feeling sick but also from the stress of not feeling enough love. 

In the evening, I proceeded to the Leadership course. I had to ask myself if I was making the right choice. Can I walk well on the path of my life through this study and with the new people I will meet? I still needed the courage to pick another subject and make my life busier. I cannot envision where this course will take me in the future.  

But I felt a serene spirit descend accompanied by angels who stayed around my shoulders and back as if they cared and supported me tenderly with their hands.  

April 26

I am grateful for my breath. It has continued since I was born. Sometimes deep in sleep, sometimes rough with anger or fear, sometimes shallow with stress, and sometimes so calm and broad with mindful conditions of harmony and love. It will continue till the last moment of my physical existence on this earth, like the best accompany who never leaves and supports me. 

I am thankful for the oxygen that makes my biological being possible. 

March 24

I am so grateful for these three years of darkness, chaos, misery, and loneliness, for I can now see and feel the pain of suffering of somebodies whom I do not know, have never met, and probably will not meet. And I could feel the warmness and love of—not many, but a few—new people I recently met who welcomed me.